Suddenly and secretly (i’m imagining everything that comes from me, is initially a secret), i’ve become addicted to replying work emails with ridiculous stories. This of course, not only puts my career at serious risk — as i’m expected to not have too much time writing ridiculous stories –, but it also makes one wonder, perhaps, “has Firdy gone crazy?”
Jeng jeng jeng. (I’m imagining, everything that comes from me, has its own sound effect.)
And then i remembered, — among other things that i could remember –, that this is.. and then i forgot! And quickly i remembered that ‘jeng jeng jeng’ is a common malaysian sound effect for anything that sounds mysterious; for anything that sounds less mysterious and more sappy, should sound exactly like this:
“Bergenaaaaaaaaang, air mata ini,
Sebak, sudah, namun, tidak jatuh juga.Menangiiiisssssss, cuma lah hatiku,
Senyum, tawa, hanya, tutup, duka lara.”
Now, slit my wrists and bite my jaguar veins please. Not with a knife or your rabbit teeth though, but with your smile. Chewah.
And ‘Chewah’, if you happen to have never eaten nasi lemak, is actually a very fat aunty, Cik Wah : a common malaysian fat aunty who sells nasi lemak all around Malaysia and likes to say silly stuff like:
“Anak ni melayu ke? Kenapa rambut kerinting pakai subang? Handsome hidung kembang?”
“Errr… Cik Wah,” i would reply, “bagi saya nasi lemak bungkus dua. Tak nak campur sambal asing tau, Cik Wah. Mak saya orang putih tau, tak makan pedas. Tapi bapa saya gelap sikit, mungkin, di luar kesedaran, bapa saya itu orangnya kacukan seribu malam dan tiga ratus senja.”
Cik Wah would then, like the rest of you, try to understand anything that comes from me. But like i said, everything that comes from me, is initially a secret.
Now keep it to yourself. I’m kind of a psychopath. Makan tetek.
