Halal Friends

It shocked me when it arrived. Micheal Jackson, i thought, must have inspired one of these people. I had never seen it being ordered before.

“Why there’s chicken?” i asked and the thought of it was chaotic. Horny Bin Abdullah now? Ahmad KY now? Siti Suanie now? What? Tell me something i didn’t know. Better tell me now! It was the among the weirdest things had ever happened to me after being taught of how to masturbate by the seniors of a religious boarding school of which i went for 3 confusing years — and all the juniors including myself were doing it side by side, like it was a religious fertility rite, and the second weirdest thing is being able to write this information down and share it with the world — I never thought i could ever write it! Hell, who would have written about his juvenile years and brazenly tell the world, “Hey, wanna know how i learnt to masturbute? My seniors taught me!”.

And ordering a hot bowl of chicken soup in a famous Bak Kut Teh restaurant is the 3rd weirdest thing in my life. That if i consider the 4th one is running away from the same religious boarding school during my the first year there with a 9-volt battery, a stainless steel spoon, a few bags of tea, a sachet of Tang — the most famous orange-flavoured powder in those years of mine, and the dream was ambitious : i was hoping to make a decent living from those sugared drinks and the 9-volt battery was supposed to heat up the stainless steel spoon and boil water, should i have succeeded with the escape plan. But, I had been caught by the locals 2 hours after i left the school, and they brought me to eat Sate and i told them all the silly lies i could, and they asked me to duck in the back of the car the car and quickly lie down before i realized they were actually entering the police station and didn’t want me to know about it. And one policeman offered me a place to stay and i spent a night at his house, and his house was next door to my disciplinary teacher’s house, and the next morning i was sent back to the school in a patrol car and all the students gathered around and they looked really puzzled when there was a small kid — me — not wearing the school uniform (because for the escape plan to be succeeded, i thought, to never bring the school uniforms along in my backpack so that no one would know i was running away from school) and was walking with the policeman, and sent straight to the headmaster’s room.

I insist, my life is filled with thousands of nonsensical weirdness and i must write everything down one day, but ordering a hot bowl of chicken soup in a famous Bak Kut Teh restaurant?

“No worries,” told KY, “the chicken got alcohol one. They cooked it with chinese cooking wine”.

“Oh,” i said, “thank god”.