Who knows

Posted on September 3, 2010 by Zuadrif

You know? I know i’m tad too late to say this but, Selamat Berpuasa dan Menyambut Bulan Ramadhan.

Of late, life happened. I woke up.

And the funny thing about it is that, when life happens, i lose all the reasons to write this online diary — so they call — because honestly?

– I only write things that cheer me up. To win my lost self.

How selfish is that things that cheer me up, often disturb others. For that, i’m satisfied. And truly proud of myself. How much of an asshole i can be sometimes.

But i love Ramadhan. I honestly do. And i love it for a very selfish reason too: It’s my birth month. I was born on the 2nd of Ramadhan and i just turned 31 this month.

I’m a year older than the gregorian calendar.

I got a brand new bicycle when i turned 11 on the 2nd of Ramadhan 1411. How sweet my mom was, to have always remembered my Ramadhan birthday.

To the muslims, to my mom, to my brothers and sisters and my family especially, i always say this, and i’ll say it again.

“Tak baik melambat-lambatkan buka puasa. Nanti korek hidung cepat tau kalau tak sempat makan.”

I guess, i’m still that stupid asshole.

Feels great though. Happy Ramadhan.

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Horny at the workplace

Posted on August 30, 2010 by Zuadrif

Lately, i’ve been wondering whether it is natural to feel slightly horny when in actual reality, you’re ‘busy focusing’ on something else. Say, in my case, doing a digital artwork.

In my case, ‘busy’ means i still have the time to call my colleagues fat and often, i’d try to make them cry, so much. ‘Focusing’ in my case, i mean i put my mind to it, if they don’t cry, i’ll try to make it as close to crying as i could.

And finally, ‘digital artwork’ means, i’m actually looking at a boy on a skateboard, 3 glasses of smoothies and various types of fruits.

And now i’m slightly horny. Is it natural?

It seems to be out of topic but, i like boobies.

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My life has changed, soon there will be drama

Posted on August 11, 2010 by Zuadrif

Starting next week, i’ll live a brand-new life.

As Fiurdy. mit meiner Aisha.

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The truth is,

Posted on July 22, 2010 by Zuadrif

deep inside my heart, if you dive deep enough, there’s a tiny silly part of me who wants to be single again.

To be happy in the strangest ways, and miserable again.

I can be that dumb sometimes. And secretly, i want to stay dumb.

And brokenhearted.

Because misery is a mystery. It’s an adventure of finding yourself. Of finding something you may call home. And to return to it. It’s a cycle of thrills and chills.

We know it goes round and round, but it’s fun like that.

So, i love you. I wouldn’t leave you. It’s only a tiny silly part of me who speaks nonsense. But it brings more than just balance — it saves me.

My soul constantly needs rescue. And an evil ridiculous thought like this one does just that; saving me and making my life less artificial.

Evils are good.

But you’re better. You’re an angel, prettier than what they told.

You’re, my angel.

Posted in Anecdote | 2 Comments

Abang macho pipi tembam tu cakap

Posted on July 13, 2010 by Zuadrif

“Alamak bukanlah ibu kandung Aladdin.”

Which reminds me of these two orang gila.

They always have nice lame jokes. And those racist jokes, they are the best.

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Saying the fantastic things your girlfriends want to hear.

Posted on July 13, 2010 by Zuadrif

“You ade affair kan?” Tanya Si Perempuan yang gelisah perihal boiprennya yang sedikit lambat menjawab pesanan-segera-peringkat-nasional (MSN).

“Memang, perempuan tu dah mengandung pun.”

Kata Si Lelaki yang hebat.

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Personal liberty, burger babi.

Posted on July 13, 2010 by Zuadrif

There was almost dancing, behind this strange, unsettling writing, and there was almost every form of happiness dancing behind this strange, unsettling writing.

There was a cold war too, i suppose, but there was almost dancing.

Later, in a quiet night in a cold room on the 17th floor of a yellow colored building, i would lie down on a double-mattress with a laptop punching in all the flashy first words i could see beaming bright and bold. They danced a slow limbo with their heads dropped dead on the floor. The rest followed, they became awkward sentences and almost, proved you wrong.

I have accepted; this is how i write most comfortably. Quick, dirty, in a daze. Proving you wrong.

Like I love you. Spontaneous. Wholeheartedly.

I write this without changing my mind. I write this most part ridiculously, some part too wildly, and only a tiny part of it i believe, by karma. By too little karma. By liberty — if it ever matters –, i do not know how to begin it than with one night, in a local pub.

So one night in a local pub, in blue jeans — in hunger, i had given what they had in the menu the colours, the texture and the shapes of how they would look like. And the taste how they would taste like. Beef burger with fries. Lamb burger with fries. Pork burger with bacon, cheese and fries.

I ordered what was the best.

“You not scared ah?” asked Michelle.

“What?”

“Eat pork burger. Drink Guinness. Later they catch you.”

“Well, i don’t think it’s a crime. Is it a crime? ”

“It is. Well, in Malaysia it is.”

“Then i guess, i don’t belong in the group where the islamic law can be imposed on. I’m not a muslim.”

Later, in a quiet night in a cold room on the 17th floor of a yellow colored building, i would lie down on a double-mattress with a laptop thinking other than being born a Malay, and not wanting to be a muslim, what other crimes that i’ve done?

Writing clumsily? Let it be.

There, — i told — was almost dancing, behind this strange and unsettling writing. I write this without changing my mind, without denying what i thought mattered most : living this life, passionately, sincerely.

I love you, but i have prove you wrong.

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Emails #2

Posted on June 22, 2010 by Zuadrif

In a work email, i wrote a short fiction in English. This is the rendition, in Bahasa.

Ketika umur masih kecil angkanya, telah dikhabarkan pada saya oleh seorang gynecologist bahawa tempatnya yang saya lawati tersebut, bukanlah tempat yang betul untuk kesakitan dada. Benar doktor itu bermurah hati, lalu di guntingnya dada saya, dilapkan ia dengan suam sinar matahari, berdoa dia ke Tuhan, dan memaafi kebodohan saya.

Lolipop merah yang diberi olehnya, membuat saya tidur untuk apa yang nampak, bagai seribu tahun.

Nada deringan dari komputer riba kedengaran sayu, lalu terjaga saya dari tidur yang hampir sempurna, dan kelihatan email pada kaca komputer. Isinya ku baca, skrin komputer itu ku jilat, dan kemanisan itu menggali jauh kedalam lidah, menyebabkan diabetes pada hati.

Sekarang, diabetes itu telah merebak ke mata, dan kegilaan ini telah merebak ke jari, menyebabkan letupan maha besar bawah pelusuk dada.

Nafas terakhir yang ku sedut, — hanya sebelum letupan maha besar tersebut –, menghilangkan sakit dada yang dari dulu, yang dari pada umurku masih kecil angkanya.

Hahaha. I personally think the English version is more concise and much easier to digest. But then again, boring la english.

Boring la tulis-tulis ni. Makan tetek lagi best. Nyum nyum.

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Emails

Posted on June 18, 2010 by Zuadrif

Suddenly and secretly (i’m imagining everything that comes from me, is initially a secret), i’ve become addicted to replying work emails with ridiculous stories. This of course, not only puts my career at serious risk — as i’m expected to not have too much time writing ridiculous stories –, but it also makes one wonder, perhaps, “has Firdy gone crazy?”

Jeng jeng jeng. (I’m imagining, everything that comes from me, has its own sound effect.)

And then i remembered, — among other things that i could remember –, that this is.. and then i forgot! And quickly i remembered that ‘jeng jeng jeng’ is a common malaysian sound effect for anything that sounds mysterious; for anything that sounds less mysterious and more sappy, should sound exactly like this:

“Bergenaaaaaaaaang, air mata ini,
Sebak, sudah, namun, tidak jatuh juga.

Menangiiiisssssss, cuma lah hatiku,
Senyum, tawa, hanya, tutup, duka lara.”

Now, slit my wrists and bite my jaguar veins please. Not with a knife or your rabbit teeth though, but with your smile. Chewah.

And ‘Chewah’, if you happen to have never eaten nasi lemak, is actually a very fat aunty, Cik Wah : a common malaysian fat aunty who sells nasi lemak all around Malaysia and likes to say silly stuff like:

“Anak ni melayu ke? Kenapa rambut kerinting pakai subang? Handsome hidung kembang?”

“Errr… Cik Wah,” i would reply, “bagi saya nasi lemak bungkus dua. Tak nak campur sambal asing tau, Cik Wah. Mak saya orang putih tau, tak makan pedas. Tapi bapa saya gelap sikit, mungkin, di luar kesedaran, bapa saya itu orangnya kacukan seribu malam dan tiga ratus senja.”

Cik Wah would then, like the rest of you, try to understand anything that comes from me. But like i said, everything that comes from me, is initially a secret.

Now keep it to yourself. I’m kind of a psychopath. Makan tetek.

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Hakikatnya, tangan siapa sebenarnya?

Posted on May 8, 2010 by Zuadrif

“Nah,” sambil menghulur, “ambik bantal keras ni. Mesti you pernah masturbate guna bantal ni kan?”

Berpusing mengalih di atas katil, “Aah, memang pernah pun. Kesian you boleh guna tangan je.” Kata si perempuan, mengejek si lelaki.

“Tak lah. I boleh guna tangan orang lain jugak.” Kata si lelaki yang bijak bistari.

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Internships

Posted on April 27, 2010 by Zuadrif

While showing her the source file, i had asked Veen Dee, “Do you know what a smart object is?”

“No, tell me about it”

“Well, in photoshop, a smart object is one of the few things smart people like me use — but you gotta be smart enough to use it.”

I love torturing the juvenile minds.

Posted in Anecdote | Tagged | 3 Comments

Hooray for a lazy breakfast (and dinner)

Posted on March 31, 2010 by Zuadrif

Grilled asparagus with soft-boiled egg and chicken with potatoes and tomatoes, cooked with oregano and red wine.

Lazy people like me, do lazy cooking. Haha

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Kerepek

Posted on February 10, 2010 by Zuadrif

“You pergilah!” marah dia, “you pergilah kat perempuan mata bulat tu. Macam mata ikan. You suka kan.”

What? I didn’t do anything. And the ‘mata ikan‘ girl, she’s like what? A boring chapter of my life? But, my girlfriend, she likes to amuse me anyway. And everyday. With jokes like these.

Making fun of other people. I like that. A lot!

Michelle, gemuk. Karen, gemuk. Robb, berak busuk sangat.

Anwar, dilarang. Sensitif. Saiful, melarang. Sensitif juga, kena mandi dulu bang?

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